Setting Boundaries During the Holidays: A Somatic Approach

Balancing work and festivities: finding boundaries during the holiday season.

The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and tradition, but it also brings pressure, expectations, and emotional overload. Between work, family gatherings, and social commitments, many women find themselves over‑extending, compromising their well‑being, or feeling stuck in patterns of saying yes despite internal signals of no. Boundaries in this season don’t only happen in words, they begin in the body. By tuning into body cues and aligning with your values, you can respond with awareness, integrity, and self‑respect.

When Your Body Signals Your Boundaries

Before your mind decides your answer, your body often already knows. Tight shoulders. Shallow breath. A sudden urge to leave. These are not random, they’re your nervous system sending a message: I’m at my limit. Research indicates that developing somatic awareness, tuning into bodily sensations, can support emotional regulation, improved interoception, and reduce the gap between internal experience and external action.

In her work on shame, vulnerability, and belonging, Brené Brown emphasizes that boundaries are essential for self‑integrity and compassionate connection. She states that real generosity cannot exist without clear boundaries.

Holiday Stress and Boundary Triggers: Examples from Life

• Workplace overload: You’re in an office where many colleagues are taking time off for family holidays. You don’t have children but feel pressured to cover extra work. Your chest tightens and you think, I should step in. That bodily tension signals your value of fairness and your need for rest are being compromised.

• Gift expectations with friends: A group of friends plans a gift exchange. You feel a knot in your jaw at the thought of spending beyond your budget. Your body is communicating: “this is not safe for me.” Recognizing that enables you to say, I’ll join if I pick a handmade gift within X dollars.

• Family gathering fatigue: At mid‑week home, you don’t feel the same comfort you used to. Your legs feel heavy, you long to return to campus. The message? Your value of belonging might be crossed with old patterns of over‑responsibility. You can choose: short stay, early exit, or one‑on‑one connection instead of full gathering.

A Step‑by‑Step Somatic Boundary Awareness Exercise

1. Find a safe, quiet spot where you can sit or lie comfortably.

2. Take three slow, deliberate breaths. Connect with your feet on the floor or your seat beneath you.

3. Slowly scan your body from head to toes. Notice areas of tightness, heaviness, heat, or breathiness—without judgment.

4. When you detect a sensation that stands out (for example: throat tightness, fluttering belly, shoulder tension), pause at that location.

5. Ask silently: What situation or expectation triggered this? What value of mine is being challenged here?

6. Based on the answer, choose an action that honors your boundary: speak up, step out, delegate, rest.

7. Finish by taking a deep breath and noticing any shifts in your body. A subtle change is progress.

Somatic practices such as body scan meditation, mindful movement, and interoceptive awareness have shown benefit for nervous system regulation and emotional resilience.

Selecting Your Domain and Values for Boundary Work

Choose one domain where you sense boundary‑strain: work, friends, family, or self‑care. Then identify two values you want to protect.

Example:

• Domain: Friends

• Values: Generosity + Stability

• Boundary: “I will participate in one holiday gathering this season; I’ll contribute home‑made gifts rather than shopping.”

By combining your values with bodily awareness, you create boundaries that feel both true and sustainable.

Give Yourself the Gift of Boundaries

If this season has you feeling stretched, depleted, or disconnected from your body’s signals, know this: you deserve pleasure, rest, and alignment. Boundaries don’t separate you from others, they connect you more fully to yourself and your values.

If you're interested in integrating somatic awareness, ACT tools, and nervous‑system‑informed therapy into your life, I invite you to learn more about working with me here. I support women in MA, CT, RI, VT, and FL via virtual sessions.

Ultimately

You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to keep going.EMDR, ACT, and somatic integration don’t offer one‑size‑fits‑all fixes. They invite you into a process of integration, safety, and nervous system healing. It’s not about rushing or reliving trauma, it’s about moving through what’s stuck with care, support, and choice.

You don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to take the next right step for you.Because ultimately, Light, you’re the keeper of your own knowing, no one else has that kind of power. Shine bright and keep moving forward. About the Author

Tiffany Bentley, LCSW, is the founder of Somatic Women, a virtual therapy practice supporting women in MA, CT, RI, VT, and FL. She integrates EMDR, ACT, and somatic therapies to help women reclaim their voices, restore balance, and live with clarity.

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