Supporting a Loved One in EMDR Therapy: A Guide for Family and Friends
- Tiffany Bentley
- Apr 25
- 5 min read
By Somatic Women
Watching someone you care about begin the healing journey of EMDR therapy can stir a mix of emotions—hope, pride, uncertainty, and even concern. As a family member or friend, your role in this process is powerful. You don’t need to fix or understand every detail of their trauma to be a source of strength. Your presence, patience, and willingness to learn can make all the difference.
In this guide, we’ll explore what EMDR therapy entails and share tangible ways you can support your loved one through this transformative work.
What is EMDR?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, a therapy developed by Dr. Francine Shapiro to help people process and heal from distressing memories. EMDR supports the brain in reprocessing painful experiences that might otherwise stay “stuck,” impacting how someone feels, thinks, and reacts.
During EMDR sessions, a trained therapist helps guide your loved one through the memory of a difficult experience while engaging in bilateral stimulation—a process that might include following the therapist’s hand with their eyes, listening to alternating sounds, or feeling gentle tapping. This stimulation activates both sides of the brain and supports the natural healing process.
What makes EMDR unique is that it weaves together both body and mind. It’s not about talking through trauma in detail—instead, it allows the nervous system to process and integrate distressing experiences at a deeper level. This often results in a reduction in emotional distress and a shift in how past memories are experienced in the present.
What to Expect as a Support Person
Healing through EMDR can be profound, and at times, emotionally intense. Your loved one may experience increased emotional sensitivity, fatigue, or shifts in how they relate to others—including you. It’s also common for new insights, forgotten memories, or unexpected emotions to surface. These moments, while sometimes unsettling, are often signs of meaningful internal work.
Remember, your loved one’s therapist is there to help them stay grounded and resourced throughout the process. But your support outside of sessions matters too—and can be a steady reminder that they are not alone.
How You Can Offer Support
🪷 Educate Yourself
Understanding EMDR can ease your own anxieties and help you better show up. If your loved one is open to sharing, ask gentle questions about the process—but know that even quiet curiosity matters. Healing looks different for everyone, and learning a bit about EMDR can help you hold space with more compassion.
An approachable read is:
🪴 Getting Past Your Past by Dr. Francine Shapiro — a clear and compassionate explanation of how EMDR works and how people heal from trauma.
🪷 Listen Without Needing to Fix
Sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is simply listen. Hold space for your loved one to share (or not share) what they’re experiencing. Try not to offer advice unless asked—what they might need most is your quiet presence and belief in their capacity to heal.
When someone you care about is undergoing EMDR, their emotional responses may vary. After a session, they might feel a sense of relief, but also experience emotional exhaustion. You might find them quieter than usual or more sensitive to certain triggers. In these moments, offering them a cup of tea, allowing them to rest without pressure to talk, or giving them a comforting hug can make a huge difference.Respecting their silence, but being there physically, provides a sense of security that words alone can't convey.
Additional Tips:
Create a Safe Space: Encourage a quiet space for your loved one to decompress after sessions. This could mean dimming the lights, putting on soft music, or simply being with them in a calm, non-judgmental way.
Offer Comforting Touch: Sometimes a hug, holding their hand, or just sitting close can help them feel grounded.
🪷 Respect Their Boundaries
Healing is deeply personal. Some people may want to talk about their sessions; others may not. Trust that your loved one is doing the work they need, even if it’s not visible to you. You may encounter moments when your loved one feels emotionally distant, or when they don't seem to want to talk about their progress. This doesn’t mean they are not healing. Allow them the space to process on their own timeline.
🪷 Offer Practical Help
Small acts of care—like doing a chore, picking up groceries, or offering a ride—can lift a lot of pressure. These gestures show support in tangible, grounding ways.
🪷 Care for Yourself, Too
Supporting someone through trauma work can bring up your own feelings—feelings of frustration, helplessness, or even emotional exhaustion. Make sure you’re tending to your needs as well—rest, connection, and support are just as important for you. You don’t need to carry their pain to care about their healing.
It’s important to set and maintain your own boundaries during this journey. You may need to communicate your limits clearly and gently with your loved one to avoid emotional burnout. This could mean telling them when you need time for self-care, or acknowledging that you're not always in the right emotional space to provide support.
Self-Care Tools for Supporters:
Meditation: Regular meditation can help you stay centered and manage your own emotions during this process. Consider using apps like Insight Timer or Smiling Mind to guide you through short, restorative sessions.
Self-Help Books: Books like "Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself" by Nedra Glover Tawwab and "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff can help you better understand trauma and how it impacts both the individual and those around them.
Reflective Journaling: Consider keeping a journal for your own thoughts and feelings. Use prompts like:
"What values guide my support for my loved one, and how can I act in line with them today?"
"How can I stay present in my experience without losing myself in their process?"
"What boundaries do I need to protect my well-being while being supportive?"
🪷 Boundary Setting in Practice:
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting out your loved one; it means protecting your own emotional health so you can continue to be a source of support. For instance, you might need to say:
"I want to be there for you, but I also need to take a break right now to recharge. Let’s check in tomorrow."
"I can listen and offer support, but I can’t take on the emotional weight of what you're going through. I can help you find resources if you'd like." These kinds of statements honor both your loved one’s needs and your own.
🪷 Be Patient with the Process
Healing is not linear. There will be ups and downs, moments of doubt, and breakthroughs that come quietly. Stay rooted in patience and remind your loved one of their strength and courage along the way. The work they are doing may not always show immediate results, but trust that it is part of a long-term healing process.
Additional Resources for You:
Trauma-Informed Care Workbook: Download this helpful guide on supporting those undergoing trauma therapy.
Mindful Breathing Exercises: Try practicing mindful breathing exercises to help ground yourself and your loved one after intense emotional moments. A simple practice could be:
Breathe in for a count of 4
Hold for a count of 4
Breathe out for a count of 4
Repeat for 5 minutes to reduce stress and promote relaxation.
Together in the Work of Healing
At Somatic Women, healing is approached as a collaborative, relational process. While therapy is your loved one’s personal path, having a support system that respects and honors their journey can make a meaningful difference.
If you’re curious about EMDR, want to understand how trauma impacts the nervous system, or are supporting someone through the healing process, we invite you to learn with us. The more we understand about healing, the more compassion we can offer—to others and to ourselves.
🪴 Want to learn more about EMDR or how to support a loved one in therapy? Reach out, explore our resources, or schedule a consultation. Your care matters.