Understanding Trauma: Recognizing It and What to Do When You Feel Stuck
- Tiffany Bentley
- May 9
- 4 min read
Trauma can be difficult to recognize, especially if you’ve lived with its effects for a long time without understanding why you feel the way you do. It’s not always a single, dramatic event—it can be the small, repeated moments of emotional or psychological stress that accumulate over time. These experiences, whether rooted in a challenging childhood, difficult relationships, or prolonged stress, can leave lasting imprints on the nervous system that affect us daily.
If you’ve ever felt confused about your emotions or blamed yourself for not being able to “move on,” you’re not alone. Recognizing and naming trauma is a vital first step in healing. It’s okay if you haven’t labeled your experiences as trauma—many people begin their healing journey simply by noticing something feels off, even without a clear name for it.
What Is Trauma?
Trauma isn’t limited to major events we see in the news or media. It can also stem from emotional neglect, repeated stress, or chronic feelings of unsafety. These experiences impact the body and mind, often in subtle ways. If you’ve ever felt “stuck” or like certain emotions or reactions seem out of proportion, your nervous system might be responding to unprocessed trauma.
Dr. Arielle Schwartz, a clinical psychologist and trauma expert, explains that trauma is not only about what happened, but also how our nervous system was affected. When these experiences go unprocessed, they linger beneath the surface.
How Trauma Shows Up (It’s Not Always What You Expect)
Trauma can manifest in ways that are easy to overlook. You might feel anxious, disconnected, constantly on edge, or emotionally drained. These are often protective responses—patterns developed during times of danger—that become automatic, even in safe situations.
Nkem Ndefo, another trauma recovery expert, emphasizes that recognizing these protective behaviors (like hypervigilance, withdrawal, or difficulty relaxing) is a key part of healing. Trauma can also show up as irritability, social avoidance, or emotional overwhelm. These reactions may feel like part of your personality, but they’re often signs of past experiences your body is still holding.
What Are Trauma Responses?
Trauma responses are the nervous system’s ways of coping with perceived threats. The most common are:
Fight – Feeling defensive or quick to anger, trying to stay in control.
Flight – Wanting to escape or avoid stressful situations through distraction or busyness.
Freeze – Feeling paralyzed or indecisive, even when there’s no real danger.
Fawn – Over-accommodating others, avoiding conflict at the cost of your own needs.
Appease – Suppressing your feelings to keep others happy and avoid tension.
While fawning and appeasing are often used interchangeably, Nkem Ndefo distinguishes appeasement as a unique response shaped by fear of rejection or harm. It’s common in systemic environments like workplaces or institutions where people, especially marginalized individuals, feel pressure to stay silent.
For instance, a woman of color repeatedly dismissed in meetings might smile and stay quiet rather than speak up—appeasing to avoid further marginalization. Over time, this pattern can impact her mental and emotional well-being.
Practical Steps to Start Healing
If any of this resonates, know that healing is possible—and you don’t need a formal trauma diagnosis to benefit from support. Acknowledging your responses as protective (not flaws) is an empowering first step.
1. Recognize Your Body’s Cues
Notice when your reactions feel intense or out of proportion. Physical tension, emotional flooding, or a sense of being stuck may signal a trauma response.
2. Ground Yourself in the Present
When overwhelmed, grounding exercises like deep breathing, noticing your surroundings, or focusing on your senses can help calm the nervous system.
3. Journal or Speak About Your Experience
Writing down your thoughts—even if they seem small—can reveal patterns and connections. Talking with a therapist can deepen this understanding.
4. Seek Support
Trauma healing often requires a safe, supportive relationship. As Dr. Ndefo advises, finding trauma-informed professionals can make all the difference.
Helpful Resources and Books
If you’re unsure where to begin, these books can help:
The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris – A practical guide to navigating emotions through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson – Offers insight into emotional neglect and how it shapes adult relationships.
Post-Traumatic Growth by Dr. Arielle Schwartz – Focuses on resilience, healing, and personal growth after trauma.
Moving Forward with Compassion
It’s completely normal to feel unsure or even self-critical when you’re starting to unpack your trauma. If you’ve blamed yourself for not handling situations differently, it’s essential to understand that trauma affects everyone differently. Your responses are a sign of your resilience, not your weakness.
If you are still feeling confused or are just beginning to realize that your past experiences might have been traumatic, don’t be hard on yourself. Recognizing how trauma has shaped your life is the first step in the healing process.
If you're unsure whether you’re experiencing the effects of trauma or you find yourself reacting in ways that don’t feel like your true self, you're not alone. By understanding your body’s natural responses to overwhelming experiences, you can begin to regain control and work through the challenges that trauma has created.
If you're ready to explore how your past experiences may have shaped you, Somatic Women offers a compassionate, trauma-informed space to help you navigate your journey. You don’t have to face it alone. Explore the resources available on our website, read more about trauma recovery, or learn how our online therapy services can support you. Learn more about trauma therapy
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